Most workers are honest, loyal, law abiding citizens, concerned with making a living, contributing to society and raising family in a fair world. Other, though are selfish, concerned only about themselves with little regards for fairness and equity. Unfortunately, there are some individuals in the business world who allow the responsibilities of leadership and the perks of power to override their moral sense.
A rise in the number of reports of abuse in corporations and or small "family" run businesses should not be a surprise, given the increased access to unrestricted power, resources of strartlig proportions and the erosion of ethical standards and values.
Covert attacks and defensive manoeuvres waste valuable time and energy that could otherwise be focused on productivity and profitability. In addition, bruised leadership egos and lowered morale are much harder to measure but can lead to large declines in organisational performance. And when some do raise the red flag, they may find that no-one at the top responds to it.
Some clever narcissists hide their true nature which makes it difficult to tell them from others one might meet on the street as given their powerful manipulation skills, it is a little wonder why seeing narcissistic personality beneath someone's charming, engaging surface is so difficult. On the other hand, not all narcissists are smooth operators though. Some do not have enough social skills, or education to interact successfully with others, relying instead on threats, coercion, intimidation and violence & aggressive behaviour to dominate others and to get what they want. Such individuals are rather nasty and unlikely to charm victims into submission, relying on their bullying approach instead.
So, let's look at some domains and traits as What You See May Not Be What You See.
Confrontation
In organisational settings, the manipulation skills of a female narcissist are challenged by the constant need to manage the growing discrepancy in the views of them by a large number of fellow employees. It is believed that a breakdown begins to occur when narcissistic web of deceit and manipulation becomes unwieldy and too many people have had glimpses of their dark side. Eventually, someone tries to do something about it and even try to bring the situation to the attention of higher - ups. Unfortunately, by this time the narcissist is well positioned through the influence networks already established with others in the power hierarchy.
The tables are turned because the credibility of the complaining employee has already been "managed" and undermined. The employee wonders what has happened. As potential rivals and detractors are neutralised, the narcissist is free to continue operations unchallenged and continue to be deceitful, egoistical, manipulating and prone to lying as well as using others in pursuit of fame, power and control.
When confronted, they will shift blame others for the problem at hand, they are rude and callous to individuals who have nothing to offer them, feeling superior and entitled.
As a rule, narcissists are not a happy bunch.
She is Toxic to Be Around
Their wounded ego constantly needs bolstering, so they are rarely satisfied and their negative attitudes about other people and life, in general, make them insufferable to be around.
You know what they say: Misery Loves Company
When you are dealing with a covert female narcissist, she may portray a fake happy - go - lucky front end and even refer to herself as a "positive" person who other people bring down with their "negativity". In reality, she's the one who sucks other into the whirlpool and or a Vortex off her toxicity as we described it at TTI.
If you are sensitive to other people's energies, you will soon feel drained, exhausted, and irritated. Your good mood will turn into a bad mood, all because your are around her. You may not even be able to put your finger on it - something will just feel "off" and you will have a strong urge to leave or end the conversation with her.
She Expects You to Be a Mind-Reader
A covert narcissistic female expects you to know or "guess" what she needs without her actually telling or asking you. She feels that asking for something is beneath her. So how do you get something without asking for it?
You manipulate people into thinking that it's their job or responsibility to be attuned to her needs at all times and to meet them without fail.
Just like she cant communicate her needs, she cant communicate how she feels. So if she is upset, she will make everyone around her upset and scrambling to make her feel better.
This is called "emotional contagion"
Although she doesn't show empathy, she expects people closest to her to be hypersensitive and empathetic to her slightest variation in mood. If they fail to do so, shame and guilt-tripping will follow.
TTI will leave this here to sink in....
She assumes the Worst of You
She is the kind of person who always has something critical to say about anyone she meets. But she will do so behind their backs, trying not to expose herself as a gossip.
From non - work environment, TTI recently learned and for example:
A narcissistic mother is most critical of her own children, the really pathological ones will even "compete" with their children and will methodically target the child's self-esteem and sense of self so that they never become confident, independently - minded adults who can challenge her.
This is systematic psychological destruction, and it happens far too often!
She Will Never Admit Her Wrongdoing
One of the most telling narcissistic traits is the inability or unwillingness to admit a mistake or some wrong doing. A covert female narcissist will also deny that anything is her fault, but instead of going on the offensive, she will play the victim or the martyr and attempt to manipulate you into feeling guilty.
Lets put this into equation with an example:
Let's say you are dating a female narcissist and you find out that she cheated on you. When you confront her, she will respond with indignation, flat out denying the affair. If you have proof she cant deny, but she will jump into the victim mode and turn the tables on you.
She may say: "What did you expect? You hardly pay any attention to me. It's like you don't even care. Im not important enough for you. All you care about is your 'petrol-heads' buddies.
Can you see how quickly pray becomes a hunter and you are forced to defend yourself and convince her that you do love and care about her. Her infidelity becomes secondary to what you did to make her cheat on you.
Whatever she says, you will never hear her admitting that it was wrong or apologising.
She is Pathological Liar
To a Narcissist, truth doesn't mean what it means to other people. It is not about being genuine or having an accurate concept of reality. They live in a delusional world and its a relative construct meant to reinforce the ego. She will operate on a mixture of truth, hap-truth and outright lies fused together to fit her agenda. She will do it so skilfully and convincingly that you will be doubting yourself before doubting her.
And if you do catch her in a lie, be prepared for an avalanche of gaslighting - meant to completely disorient you and make you question your sanity. She will even accuse you of being a liar in front of entire team - a tactic called projection. All of this is done to evade accountability and maintain control.
She's Preoccupied With Projecting a False Image
Which image a covert female narcissist chooses to project depends on her cultural values and desires. If she is from a culture that values traditional female gender roles, she may want to project an image of a perfect wife and mother. She will "care" for her family and or a client but not out of concerns for their needs. Rather, her care is the byproduct of her need to be perceived in a positive light by others.
Another role a covert female narcissist likely to take on is the philanthropist. She might volunteer or take a noble cause, performing multiple (and very public) charitable acts. There is even a term for this: Communal Narcissist.
This do-gooder gets ego boosts not from bragging about achievements or obsessing about her looks, she gets off on letting people know how giving and caring she is.
For example, if on her way to home, she may give a lift to an old gentleman and or give £5 to a homeless man, she will make sure to tell everyone about it.
But she will do it subtly, like: "I feel so bad for him as his family doesn't care about him and or I feel so bad for all the homeless people, gave £5 one this morning but I wish I could do more. What is the Council doing about this?
The objective here is to carefully craft an image thats completely the opposite of what she really is.
After all, true charity is anonymous.
This brings us to a conclusion:
As long as you maintain a perfect image of whatever the relationship you may have with female narcissist, she is happy. But if you dare to tarnish that image, then you will see the true face of the narcissist - vindictive, cruel and unforgiving.
What To Do?
Having a narcissist in your life, can be an emotionally draining, psychologically debilitating and sometimes physically harmful experience. In some cases, we have suggested that individuals call the local police or civil authorities and in many cases we referred them to qualified psychologists, members of clergy, or other professionals in their area who are best suited to provide the help they need as here at TTI can provide counselling sessions to a certain extend only.
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